Nightmare

11/20/05

Last night, I dreamt about my mother. She was still alive, but we found out that she was dying. (From what was never specified.) We had been getting along great, almost like I almost lost her, and was THAT glad to be with her. In the dream, I had to deal with the fact that someday, my mother was going to die. This became worse when she announced in the next scene that she was flying back to Alaska to die. No good reason. Just flying back.
While she was there, she did not die. It was worse than dying. I flew out to her, and found out that she had been withering away from the outside. She did not have the strength to get out of bed on her own. She had no hair on her head, no nose, no lips. Her eyelids were barely there. She had shrunk some, and speech was difficult beyond a few words. She looked like the pharaoh in The Mummy, except small.
When I sat on the bed next to her, she cried out in frustration. It was sickening to see her eyes roll in her head from her suffering. I told her that it was okay, and hugged the bed around her, so as not to hurt her. I lied. It was anything but okay.
This is when I woke up. This is not the first time I have had a dream about my recently deceased mother, but it is, by far, the worst. I do not go back to sleep when these dreams occur. I want to make damn good and sure that the mood I get into from one dream does not influence the next.