Guest Blogger: Poor Poor Bill
. . . on my Flu Vacation:
1. Never trust a fart.
2. My bowels really don’t want me to get laid.
3. Don’t invite a new Girlfriend over to nurse you through the sweats. And the runs. And the sweat-chill-groan-ache-runs. It really isn’t that sexy.
4. Never trust a fart.
5. You may get the sympathy vote if you have to leave a very important event because you’re sick.
6. Never give a microphone to someone with the flu. They can’t string together coherent sentences. And the microphone becomes a contaminate.
7. Don’t try to do complicated things, like drive, operate heavy machinery, or play the guitar with the flu.
8. If you think you have to fart. You probably don’t.
9. Don’t start out with the first food being Flaming Hot Cheetos. Even if it’s only 5 or 6. They have a dye in them that can stain porcelain in it’s liquid form.
10. Always keep lots of bottled water around. It’s easier to drink while lying down.
11. Try to keep some very light sugared soda around. It works to keep your sugar levels up a little when you can’t eat solid foods. Cranberry juice works well too.
12. When you are peeing with the flu. Sit down to do it. You may have to fart.
13. Flu Vacation is great for going through and clearing off your DVR. But only on the last day, otherwise you’ll fall asleep in the middle and have to watch the same first half hour 4 times.
14. If you can, take an extra day off work. You just may get the farts at work too. (See 1, 4, 8, 12)
Bill
1. Never trust a fart.
2. My bowels really don’t want me to get laid.
3. Don’t invite a new Girlfriend over to nurse you through the sweats. And the runs. And the sweat-chill-groan-ache-runs. It really isn’t that sexy.
4. Never trust a fart.
5. You may get the sympathy vote if you have to leave a very important event because you’re sick.
6. Never give a microphone to someone with the flu. They can’t string together coherent sentences. And the microphone becomes a contaminate.
7. Don’t try to do complicated things, like drive, operate heavy machinery, or play the guitar with the flu.
8. If you think you have to fart. You probably don’t.
9. Don’t start out with the first food being Flaming Hot Cheetos. Even if it’s only 5 or 6. They have a dye in them that can stain porcelain in it’s liquid form.
10. Always keep lots of bottled water around. It’s easier to drink while lying down.
11. Try to keep some very light sugared soda around. It works to keep your sugar levels up a little when you can’t eat solid foods. Cranberry juice works well too.
12. When you are peeing with the flu. Sit down to do it. You may have to fart.
13. Flu Vacation is great for going through and clearing off your DVR. But only on the last day, otherwise you’ll fall asleep in the middle and have to watch the same first half hour 4 times.
14. If you can, take an extra day off work. You just may get the farts at work too. (See 1, 4, 8, 12)
Bill
posted by Very Anonymous Mike at 9:26 PM
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